I guess we're friends again

Richard said he accepted my apology...yay. At least my conscience isn't bothering me anymore. I don't know why I was so stupid! If I had only saved that stupid letter as a draft, none of this would have happened. Like I told Hakins, I just saw red! I think Richard's very easy to get angry at. He's so soft and weak, like a doormat. I bet people always step on him. I sure did. I would never have dared do something like that with Glenn. I didn't do it with Peter either. I almost sent Peter a "it's ok...good luck to you!" letter. Instead I just closed it off. Is he the "ghost from my past" that made me blow up at Richard? Maybe. I'm tired of being passed over for someone else.
But Hakins is right about Richard: he's unstable. He said he's not into casual dating yet that's exactly what he's doing! And there were other clues too. I think "just a friend" would be as close as I should get to this guy. But if he keeps playing this game (even though he says he's not into games, this is a game) he's going to get burned even worse than he got from me.

Don't Wake Me Up

This song by The Hush Sound is about my dreams of Patty.
I had a dream a couple of nights ago. I was at some kind of concert thing, standing by the place where they sold t-shirts. Then these 4 or 5 nerds wearing shiny grey three-piece suits. They were walking in unison and then they started to do a dorky line dance. Everyone was looking at them and laughing. But then I recognized one of them as my Patty. I ran up to him and Patty grabbed me and wrapped his arms around me and kissed me! Hard. I can still feel his lips pressed against mine and his tongue down my throat. I wish it was true. I would give anything to be Patty's girl.

I blew it!

Richard wrote to me and said he 'just wants to be friends" because he met another girl who he "wants to pursue a relationship with". I quickly replied with an angry letter. Stupid, I know. But I felt better. Then he writes back trying to justify himself and make himself feel better by saying he would have been friends with me but now that's over too. Then I had to one-up that by admitting I was being stupid! We'll see who feels good about themselves now. I'll admit, my angry letter was quite a masterpiece. I knew I should have waited to cool down first. It was a good letter though. And I don't need him as a friend. I don't want to waste time being just friends. And he's too soft and namby-pamby. Too feminine. His voice sounds really gay and he seems kind of gay. plus he's been engaged once or maybe twice. No wonder his father yelled at him. He's too soft. More like a girl than a guy. He had a few activities this week and then suffered from exhaustion? Give me a break! I've gone for days with a full schedule, non-stop studying/writing, and very little sleep. And I never suffered from exhaustion! Weak, that's what he is! A milquetoast!
What made me the most angry was that he had already asked me out for Sunday then reneged on the deal by saying he was sick. He didn't write me at all on Saturday, probably because that slut was "taking care" of him! We all know what that means! I should have realized he wasn't into me when he kept texting instead of calling on Sunday. I regret blowing up at him but, i don't think he was for me. i remeber when I was waiting for him at Applebee's and I called him. He said he had just passed Atlantic and I told him in a few more lights he'd cross Royal Palm and it wa right there. He kind of snapped at me 'I thought it was on University!' And he's kind of dumb, not really my type. And he watches MSNBC! I feel bad about what I did but he should feel bad too. He said he's not into casual dating, he's into one at a time. What does he call what he's doing then?
Again, why I'm so angry:
Thursday: we go out, he says it was a great time, he asks me out again for Sunday.
Friday: he texts me saying that I'm nice and that he had a good time. I e-mail him back saying I had a good time too.
Saturday: nothing.
Sunday: he texts me in the morning that he's sick; I text back with I'm sorry, anything I can do? He replies thanks for the offer, but he just needs to rest. I reply with hope you feel better soon, I'm worried about you.
Monday: the break-up e-mail and my angry reply. Then his "we could have been friends but you ruined it". Then my I'm the bigger person because I can apologize.

If we stayed friends, then I would have had to hear all about his new relationship and I would always be thinking "That should have been me". No wonder his ex-fiance yelled at him; I can imagine he's very difficult to deal with. And that comment he made at the end of our date about getting me healthy...does he think I want to be sick? And he talked about how some lizards could grow a limb back. I wanted to say 'Hello? That's a defense mechanism, like biting or scratching; it has nothing to do with health. It's about survival, you idiot!" And he was too sympathetic, saying his heart was breaking over my illness. It's not a big deal to me; I don't see why it should be to him.
Anyway, there should have been a lot of warning signs that he wasn't for me. He used to have anxiety attacks, he doesn't speak to his father, he was engaged (twice, I think!), eats way too healthy, believes that health is a state of mind or something, believes everything he read in the Da Vinci Code, has too many girl friends, and doesn't have much of a sense of humor. I can't picture him joking about eating manatees.
okay, enough ranting. Time to move on. I can learn from my mistakes.

1st date with Richard

We met at Applebee's at 7pm. He looked so good...OMG! Like a soap star. Like Nash Brennan , to be exact. He gave me a hug as soon as he saw me and then he cupped my chin in his hand and said I was just beautiful! During dinner he touched my hand once. And when we got up to leave, he put his hand on my back! He's very sweet and I think he's just gorgeous! He wants to see me again and we'll probably go out Sunday. Now comes the big question: do I like him more than I like Glenn? Richard's definitely easier to talk to. And he isn't as straightforward, practical as Glenn. We'll have to see...I hope he kisses me soon! I bet his lips are soft and his kisses are sweet.

Goodbye Glenn...Hello Richard!

It's been over a month since Glenn called me. I'm tired of thinking about him, wondering when (and if!) he'll call, worrying about what went wrong. Now here comes Richard. He's sweet, sensitive, funny, and very compassionate. He called me for the first time last Wednesday (the 16th) and then we played phone tag over the weekend. Then he called me again today and...we're going out Thursday night!!!
Fuck you, Glenn! You had your chance but you totally blew it! I will never be yours, never. You missed out on the greatest thing that ever happened to you...ME! You didn't deserve me. You didn't even give me anything for my birthday. You never told me I looked good, just "fine". Well I know that I looked damned fine and you were lucky that I would even be seen with you!
Goodbye, Glenn...and good riddance!
Let me leave you with these words...FUCK YOU!!!

Music, crushes, Pattycakes!!!

Music review for 2007
Best Album - Infinity on High
Best Concert - FOB, Halloween
Best Singer and Hottest, Sexiest Guy Ever - Patrick Stump

Oh, Patrick, my darling Patrick...how I do love thee!
His voice gives me chills and sends shivers down my spine. I know, I know. I said the same thing about Taylor. But Taylor was my 2006-2007...Patrick is my now.
I love my Pattycakes! I want to just kiss and stroke his sideburns. I'd love to run my fingers through that silky mop of auburn hair. I can't believe he told me he loved me! He never gestures to the audience...but he gestured to me. "I love you, too!" Ohhhhh, Pattyyyyyy.......

2007: A dating odyssey

Okay, a lot has happened to me in the past year...particularly in my lovelife. I had 8 dates...8! That's 8 more than I had in 2006. Or 2005. Or...you get the picture. I wrote about all my dates with Glenn in this blog already. But here are the 3 before I met him.

1st date - Feb. 23, Friday
How am I so sure of the date? Well, it was the night of the Taylor Hicks concert (sighhhh). I bought 2 FRONT ROW tickets from eBay. 500 bucks! But it was so worth it! You can read all about it in an earlier blog entry. Now, about the guy I went with...Glen...no, not the same one. I had just joined match.com and he was the first guy who wrote to me. I had written to a few, but with no luck. Glen was 40 and kind of weird looking. His only keyword was 'dragon'. Weird, right? Anyway, he asked me out for coffee or something and I declined but then I decided I needed to find someone to go to the concert with me. So I asked him, he said yes, and we met at the concert place. He was a lot fatter and older looking than his picture. Absolutely no chemistry there but I was so excited about seeing Taylor that I didn't notice too much about Glen. During intermission, I asked him what he did and he said something that sounded like 'school board'. He didn't seem very well-educated though and he was kind of lower-class. When we walked outside after the show, Glen was kind of looking at me and I thought "Oh, dear God, please don't let him kiss me!" So to circumvent that, I gave him a very quick hug and ran off to my ride. We kept writing to each other but I was definitely waiting for something better to come along.

2nd date - mid-April, Thursday
Glen had asked me out again and I finally reluctantly agreed. We met at Carrabba's for dinner. I was wearing my black and red dress and I know I looked good. I looked way too hot compared to this guy. That's not a good thing. Conversation was...uncomfortable. He talked about comic books and then went on to talk about how Velma from Scooby-Doo was a lesbian and Daphne and Fred were porn stars. And he was pretty serious about it! They're just cartoons! He used a lot of obscenities and vulgar language. There's nothing really wrong with swearing but, on a date at the beginning of a relationship...it's a turn-off. And denigrating Scooby-Doo? That's just too much! I asked him again where he worked, because I was having trouble believing this loser was on the school board. He said something that sounded like "Scoop Org". I didn't want to say "What?" so I just asked what he did there and he said warehouse. That made a lot more sense...I can picture him in a warehouse easier than in a suit on the school board. I still don't know what 'Scoop Org' is, but it doesn't matter. I don't remember too much more of our conversation except that I was bored and really glad I had told him I had to get up early the next day (I didn't really; I just didn't want to spend too much time with him). When we got up to go, he got up first and as I was sliding out of the booth, my skirt rode up and I think he was trying to get a peek...gross! No hug this time, I just jumped into the car. We wrote each other once or twice after that but then he just stopped writing. Thank goodness! I was scared he was going to turn out to be one of those troublesome stalker types. Thus ends the chapter called Glen. Total loser! It's unkind, but true. He was kind of creepy and I'm really glad I didn't accept a ride from him.
Fast-Forward to June: My first date with Ryan, Carrabba's again.
Ryan. What can I say about him? He had kind of an effeminate voice and not much of a sense of humor. We talked on the phone a couple of times then met for dinner. He said I looked really nice, which was a good start. He gave me a hug, also nice. Conversation was good, but a little dull. He didn't seem to get my jokes. Halfway through the meal, I noticed he looked a lot like Uncle Hassan...great. That kind of ruined it for me. He gave me a hug when we said goodnight. We exchanged a couple more e-mails and then he disappeared into the night, like so many others...it wasn't meant to be, I guess. I don't remember much about it so I must not have been that interested.
Other recaps of 2007 coming soon!