I blew it!

Richard wrote to me and said he 'just wants to be friends" because he met another girl who he "wants to pursue a relationship with". I quickly replied with an angry letter. Stupid, I know. But I felt better. Then he writes back trying to justify himself and make himself feel better by saying he would have been friends with me but now that's over too. Then I had to one-up that by admitting I was being stupid! We'll see who feels good about themselves now. I'll admit, my angry letter was quite a masterpiece. I knew I should have waited to cool down first. It was a good letter though. And I don't need him as a friend. I don't want to waste time being just friends. And he's too soft and namby-pamby. Too feminine. His voice sounds really gay and he seems kind of gay. plus he's been engaged once or maybe twice. No wonder his father yelled at him. He's too soft. More like a girl than a guy. He had a few activities this week and then suffered from exhaustion? Give me a break! I've gone for days with a full schedule, non-stop studying/writing, and very little sleep. And I never suffered from exhaustion! Weak, that's what he is! A milquetoast!
What made me the most angry was that he had already asked me out for Sunday then reneged on the deal by saying he was sick. He didn't write me at all on Saturday, probably because that slut was "taking care" of him! We all know what that means! I should have realized he wasn't into me when he kept texting instead of calling on Sunday. I regret blowing up at him but, i don't think he was for me. i remeber when I was waiting for him at Applebee's and I called him. He said he had just passed Atlantic and I told him in a few more lights he'd cross Royal Palm and it wa right there. He kind of snapped at me 'I thought it was on University!' And he's kind of dumb, not really my type. And he watches MSNBC! I feel bad about what I did but he should feel bad too. He said he's not into casual dating, he's into one at a time. What does he call what he's doing then?
Again, why I'm so angry:
Thursday: we go out, he says it was a great time, he asks me out again for Sunday.
Friday: he texts me saying that I'm nice and that he had a good time. I e-mail him back saying I had a good time too.
Saturday: nothing.
Sunday: he texts me in the morning that he's sick; I text back with I'm sorry, anything I can do? He replies thanks for the offer, but he just needs to rest. I reply with hope you feel better soon, I'm worried about you.
Monday: the break-up e-mail and my angry reply. Then his "we could have been friends but you ruined it". Then my I'm the bigger person because I can apologize.

If we stayed friends, then I would have had to hear all about his new relationship and I would always be thinking "That should have been me". No wonder his ex-fiance yelled at him; I can imagine he's very difficult to deal with. And that comment he made at the end of our date about getting me healthy...does he think I want to be sick? And he talked about how some lizards could grow a limb back. I wanted to say 'Hello? That's a defense mechanism, like biting or scratching; it has nothing to do with health. It's about survival, you idiot!" And he was too sympathetic, saying his heart was breaking over my illness. It's not a big deal to me; I don't see why it should be to him.
Anyway, there should have been a lot of warning signs that he wasn't for me. He used to have anxiety attacks, he doesn't speak to his father, he was engaged (twice, I think!), eats way too healthy, believes that health is a state of mind or something, believes everything he read in the Da Vinci Code, has too many girl friends, and doesn't have much of a sense of humor. I can't picture him joking about eating manatees.
okay, enough ranting. Time to move on. I can learn from my mistakes.